Letting Go

In 2008 I lost many things that were precious to me.  It was a year of letting go.  It was a year of breaking, and it was a year of sitting and just "being with Jesus".  God spoke to me at the beginning of 2008 that He was Emmanuel~God with us.  I had no idea how much I was going to need that to hang on to.   He walked and carried me right through this year.  One thing I lost this year was our beautiful cat, Hobbes, pictured above.  Hobbes came to us two years ago the day after New Years.  He showed up as a little kitten on our doorstep.  We immediately fell in love with him and felt like God had dropped a gift to us.  God does that~He gives and He takes away.  Job says it well when he said:

 “I came naked from my mother’s womb, and I will be naked when I leave. The Lord gave me what I had, and the Lord has taken it away. Praise the name of the Lord!”

We lost Hobbes in October of 2008.  We prayed and prayed, but he was gone.  It might seem silly to some of you that I have grieved over a cat so, but I did.  And I hurt even more for my youngest who grieved even more than I did.  It's such a helpless feeling to watch your child hurt so and not be able to fix it.  Losing Hobbes somewhat represented to me the many things we lost this year that were dear to us.   Through it all I have had to trust that God sees the bigger picture and His purposes will be revealed in His time.  I have had to give up control and truly trust the One who is trustworthy. I wish I could say I did this gracefully, but I didn't.  I struggled.  I wrestled. I cried.  I thought of Jacob who wrestled with God, and when it was over, he walked away with a limp.  He walked away broken, and he walked away touched by God.  I pray that I am walking out of 2008 with a limp, but closer to God.  I do know that I am walking away knowing that God is Emmanuel.  He is with me.