Warning: Ugly Blog Ahead!

I'm reading a book that I really like. In this book the author talked about how Denmark was reported to be the happiest country in the world. Why? Because they have the lowest expectations. I guess if you don't have expectation then you can't be disappointed. I haven't figured out how to live without expectations. I do get disappointed. In myself and in others. Right now my heart feels like it is in tiny pieces. I feel like I don't want to keep hoping that things are going to be different. That I'm going to be different. I feel like right now I don't want to try again. I don't want to hope or expect that anything is going to change. Right now I'm so sick of church. I don't care if it's cool to say that right now. I'm not saying it to be cool. I'm saying it because I'm sick of church and the people who go and those who used to go and don't go anymore. That means I'm sick of myself too. I'm sick of the talk, talk, talk about change and community and being real. Get real!